Poetry

I have been writing poetry since my early 20s using it as a theraputic process for working through life's big emotions and experiences. Below I share some of my musings they are often dark, sometimes filled with joy but always honest.

Parent

Small feet patter echos through this house
Galloping towards the day
Barely dawn, your eagerness for the new expelling you from bed into semi darkness

I lie listening to your footsteps
A swamp of darkness filling my head
Caught between awake and dreams
Foggy with remembered yearning
Willing myself to rise
 
My body weighs heavily against the need
I hear your voice
Sweet words calling me forth into the day
Forcing my mind
My heart
My soul
Back into the confines of this body
 
I drag myself
Falling out into the day
Swaying like a drunkard
I lunge into the light to embrace in your loving arms
 

Grief

There is grief
A hole where you used to be
 
Some days it goes unnoticed
A shadow
A mere pin prick of darkness on my heart
And I can face the world
A smile affixed to my face
Pretending even to myself that this wound has healed
 
On other days
It becomes a yawning roaring chasm
Beckoning me to fall head long into its depths
It's inky darkness, sticky like tar, reaching out, calling me to you
 
Other days I am numb
Feeling nothing
Seeing nothing
Being nothing
 
You are gone
 
And there is nothing left for me but to ride this Dragon
Until it's flames have burnt me clean
Cleansing with ashes this journey
Until my heart beats again
 

Remembering

Slanted light through an open window
Rough boards beneath my feet
Iris purple the haze within my mind
Father memories bring you near
Yellow delight dances
Stop amidst this life, remember.
 

Earth

Her soul grows roots
stretching deep into the earth
Vibrant energy
tingling up through toes
pulsing and stretching through her
She is life
She is touch, taste, smell, sound
She is intuition and knowing
She is healing and Love
She nurtures, creates
Her healing power yearns expression
Connecting earth and sky
One

 

 

 

Words

You rip my still beating heart out
Again and again and again
 
I dance carefully through this minefield of words
Words that could maim and kill
Words that you manipulate,
Dialed for maximum damage
Words I don't understand
That set off explosions of wrongness inside my head
 
Words, it is always words
Changing the landscape of my mind and heart
Changing the past with a mere inflection
Tongue against teeth and lips
 
Twisting my head inside out
Sometimes I no longer know who
Or what
I am
 
You didn't say I love you anymore
 
But every now and then you reached out your hand
Offered an exquisite gift
A freshly picked flower
A loving word
And my heart melted again
Transported back to another time and place where love was sweet
 
And so I remained
Hoping for something more
 
More than this game of cat and mouse
I wait for the kill
But it never came
The game was to familiar and what you lived for
The well from which you drew your power
 
Until
 
Until I left
 
And now
Now I am nothing more than the arsehole who hurt you
The left over remains of our shared defeat and you will never take your share of that blame
 
Life is just a game to you and words your weapon.